Every Time I Die

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Photographer Unknown

Every time I die, something happens

The first time, was when the events happened

When two men, at different times

Took my innocence and broke my soul

I was only 4, and a part of me died

Next, was a series of flashbacks

Like watching a black and white film

It’s me, but it’s not, I lied to myself

So I continue to wear my mask like everything’s okay

Being a teen, was fairly normal

Until boys came round, sprouting their compliments

But oh, I had learned to hide well

And I was safe being the wallflower

Dying had taught me not to trust

How to wear armor round my heart

My body, so that no one could take

What I did not want to freely give

Every time I died, a hell of toxic shame engulfed me

Lies of I somehow caused this

kept aiming at my fragile state

My worth slipping down till the darkness chained me

Every time I died, I prayed I would

How could someone love me

Broken, fractured, and not complete

I longed so hard to just not be

Every time I died, a truth came to light

I held on to it, precious as it was

Who needed the devil

When I could be my own worst enemy

Every time I died, something in me grew stronger

It didn’t matter how many emotions that would ensnare me

The truth took root

And the light in me grew brighter

Every time I died

Backed into my corner, crying from the depths of my soul

A fighter would arise

And more dangerous, because I had nothing to lose

Every time I died

I came back stronger

More compassionate

Able to see others pain

Every time I died, I came back a better me

No longer afraid

A warrior born out of pain

A prisoner set free

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4 thoughts on “Every Time I Die

  1. Tears or words can’t begin to tell you how this has touch my soul. Sweetie you are wonderfully made. God has shaped you into a beautiful tool to touch others with words of encouragement. Knowing that each one of us has die in a different . way, and we all share the same creator and healer . Bless you . keep letting your words flow……..It will cross oceans one day. You wait and see……..Love you Mom.

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    • Thank you, it was a little bit of therapy for me to write this, but still difficult. I think so many don’t understand what it does. I am thankful, that my Heavenly Father was there with me, and encouraging me, that I am so much more, and that I am an overcomer. His ways, are not our ways. But I am learning to trust Him more, and that His love never fails.

      Liked by 1 person

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